


top 10 repressed gordon moments

by whatisUPgaymers



Category: Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, anyways play twewy, i GUESS? it's mostly just comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:48:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24724795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatisUPgaymers/pseuds/whatisUPgaymers
Summary: He could hear the shuffling of Benrey sitting up- almost inaudibly grunting with the effort, but the sounds of the fight in his own game continued uninterrupted.  “Okay, but are you, like…good?”“... What does itlooklike, Benrey?”“I dunno, I’m busy getting my ass beat by a fucked up kangaroo.  But, uh…”“You’ve played that game for upwards of two thousand hours, there isnoway you’re struggling with akangaroo.”
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 26
Kudos: 387





	top 10 repressed gordon moments

**Author's Note:**

> the first part entered my brain as a vision that plagued my mind all day yesterday, benrey playing the world ends with you for the nintendo ds and all (don't worry i tried to write it in a way that you don't need to know fuckall about how twewy works), and i wrote that all in one sitting. then i woke up this morning and wrote the scene at the end before even leaving my bed. my brain is being stretched like a slime video
> 
> so anyways i've dedicated half my mind to imagining different ways gordon could realize he likes benrey <33333333 got an anon asking for my thoughts on that as i was writing this and i'm still cracking up abt that timing honestly
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0569Wt-cZ0 loop this on an old mediocre speaker for most of the first part for maximum immersion effectz

After falling off the same ledge for the tenth time (yes, he was keeping track, and  _ actively _ at that), Gordon finally paused the game. He didn’t want to. He mumbled various profanities to himself as he buried his face in his hands. He  _ really _ didn’t want to. Especially not with-

“Aw, dude, you gonna rage quit?”

_ There it is. _ Gordon peeked between his fingers at where Benrey layed on the floor, never looking up from his DS for a second. “No, shut up.”

“Yeah, uh, sounds like something a rage-quitter says.”

“ _ I’m not- _ ” It took a second to not lash out as hard as his gut wanted to- this timing certainly made him want to rage quit  _ something or other. _ With a sigh, he crumpled, sliding down a little from his spot on the couch. “I’m not mad at the  _ game. _ ”

Benrey actually faltered a bit from tapping and slashing at the touch screen. “... You mad at something  _ else, _ bro?”

_ Yes. _ “No.”

He could hear the shuffling of Benrey sitting up- almost inaudibly grunting with the effort, but the sounds of the fight in his own game continued uninterrupted. “Okay, but are you, like…  _ good? _ ”

“... What does it  _ look _ like, Benrey?”

“I dunno, I’m busy getting my ass beat by a fucked up kangaroo. But, uh…”

“You’ve played that game for upwards of two thousand hours, there is  _ no _ way you’re struggling with a  _ kangaroo. _ ”

“Look, I don’t like playing with the lil twink as my partner, alright? But I gotta get his stats up.”

“Can’t you make it so the game controls him for you?”

“That’s fuckin’... slow as- wait. Don’t change the subject. You’re goin’ through some shit over there, I can hear it.”

Gordon wiped his hands down his face with a groan. “I don’t…” When he glanced over, Benrey glanced back at the same time. There was genuine concern in those barely visible eyes, and it twisted something around inside him. “I am  _ not _ having this conversation with you.”

“Alright, cool, uhhh…” After a moment, it sounded like he finally hit the battle results screen. And he looked all the way up at last. “You need anything?”

“I-”

“Need a lil kiss, bro?”

“ _ No! _ ” Gordon quickly slapped a hand over his mouth, sighing before running that hand through his bangs, cheeks nowhere near as red as they felt to him.

“Shit, man, sorry, I…” It was Benrey’s turn to hit pause, sliding the stylus into its little slot. “You know I’m not good at this.”

“Yeah- yeah, you’re really not.”

“Uh-huh.” There was a small stretch of awkward silence before he set the DS aside, not even bothering to close it. “I don’t like seeing you like this, though. It’s like I  _ care _ about you or somethin’. Cringe, I know.”

Gordon felt something spread out from his chest akin to sticking your face in fresh, warm laundry. “This  _ really _ isn’t helping.”

“Dude, I-”

“I know, I know, you don’t… you don’t  _ know. _ You’re trying. I get it. I just…” Seeing this much worry and  _ care _ over Benrey’s usually flat expression was just another warm fuzzy blanket to suffocate under. He groaned again as he curled up on himself.

“... Whuh?”

“Fuckin’... my thoughts exactly.”

“Alright.” Silence stretched on for a good half a minute before Benrey let out a big exhale. “What, uh… what do you need? Right now?”

He wondered about that. “I think… I need to talk about it.”

“... But you can’t?”

“I  _ really _ can’t.”

“I mean… okay.”

“...  _ Okay? _ ”

“Okay.” When Gordon poked his head out of his little self-ball, Benrey only shrugged. “No big deal.”

“You’re just… not even going to press about it or anything.”

“Yeah, I don’t wanna  _ actually _ be a dick.”

He muffled himself with his knees before muttering, “I kinda wish you would…”

“What?”

If he were being honest with himself, they were already well past the point where he could just pretend this all away. With a deep breath, he sat up properly again. “Hey, Benrey?”

“What’s up?”

“I…” He gripped the edges of the couch cushion like a vice. “I think I might be in love with you.”

For a moment, Benrey’s ( _ adorable, _ unfortunately) face was bright red, but that faded as everything else clicked into place. “Is… is  _ that _ the problem?” He waited for Gordon to slowly nod. “Oh, dude…”

“Don’t- don’t say it.” His death grip on the couch was the only thing keeping him from trembling. “I just-  _ so much _ shit happened, you- before, you were so  _ terrible, _ you antagonized me all the goddamn time, you lost me my  _ arm, _ you… did whatever the  _ fuck _ that lil boss fight of yours was, I dunno, I don’t… I can’t believe I even let you anywhere near me when you showed back up. But I did, and I had no idea why, and I  _ kept _ doing it, and I just- I hoped this wouldn’t be the reason, y’know? I could never wrap my head around that. So I bottled that shit right up as soon as it started looking that way. And I kept on doing  _ that, _ too.” He had folded in on himself without even realizing it over the course of that monologue, torso over lap, arms around his knees. “But I’m all outta bottles, man.”

“Gordon.”

“Don’t.” God, did he hope his voice didn’t sound as choked up as it felt…

It absolutely did, though, as Benrey shuffled closer. “Bro, c’mon…”

“No, I- I know what you’re gonna say. Don’t do it. I’ll  _ actually _ start crying.”

Benrey carefully set a gentle hand on his shin. “Sounds like you could  _ use _ a good cry, dude.” His other hand reached for Gordon’s face as best he could with everything in the way. “Kinda in the same boat right now, if that helps. Not the bottle thing. That’s just fucked. I get it, though. It, uh… yup.”

Gordon lifted his head, and he made no protest when Benrey cupped his cheek. “You couldn’t just  _ stay bad, _ could you?”

“Dying was kinda, uh… a life-changing experience.”

“Shut… shut up. Just shut your mouth.”

He let a breath out his nose before they both sat in silence for what felt like way too long, looking at different parts of the floor. “... Gordon.”

“I know.”

“I love you, too.”

Just because he knew it was coming didn’t mean he wasn’t going to cry about it all the same. He buried his face again before it could become too much of a mess. “This doesn’t make any  _ sense, _ man…”

Benrey leaned his head against the top of Gordon’s. “I know, you fuckin’… ostrich.” He wrapped his arms around his shoulders as best he could with these positions. “It’s not always gonna.”

And Gordon let them stay like that in a comfortable quiet for a good while. Until the snot became unbearable, that is. “Dammit, hang on…” Pulling up, he soon caught sight of himself in the dim TV screen. “Oh, god, I look like hell.”

Judging from the look Benrey was giving him, he fully agreed. “... Shit.”

“Not so in love with me  _ now, _ are ya, asshole?”

“You’re a huge dumbass if you think a lil boogers is gonna drive me away from those sweet lil gamer lips of yours.”

Hearing things like that definitely felt…  _ different, _ now. Now that it was all out in the open. Now that all the bottles were poured out. Now that he could look at Benrey, and know that he loves  _ him, _ and that  _ he _ loves him back, and… And that, no matter how much he struggled to add it all up, it was  _ okay. _ It’s not the end of the world- and he felt like a pretty good judge of that after all that happened.

Gordon sobbed.

Benrey dropped a tissue in his lap.

Rinse, repeat.

* * *

After a minute of staring up at the ceiling, Gordon recognized that distant sound as sizzling. It was definitely enough to get up and investigate, even if he’d be too delirious to do anything about whatever it was.

The sound led him to the kitchen, and to Benrey, stood over the stove. “Morning, uhhh… sun… drop. Dropppppppppplets.”

“What’re you-” Rubbing his eyes, he looked at the frying pan the sizzling was coming from. “Are you making grilled cheese?”

“Yeah, man.”

“For  _ breakfast? _ ”

“Dunno how to make anything else.” He gestured at the bread bag he’d clearly given up on trying to close properly. “You want one?”

“... You’re not doing that mayo thing, are you?”

“Fuck mayo.”

“Yeah,  _ fuck _ mayo.” Gordon leaned against the counter with a gesture to carry on. “Sure, I’ll take one.”

“Hell yeah, dude.” Benrey checked the bottom of the sandwich he already had going before starting to construct the next one.

He just sat back and watched him work for a while, letting himself think. “So, uh… you’re still here. Kinda figured you’d… leave in whatever weird way you could come up with. After I conked out for the night.”

“Well, yeah, man, I…” Walking over to him, he offered up the first grilled cheese. “Jus’ felt like I should stick around.”

If Gordon hadn’t softened before, he certainly did now. He took the plate, but not before pressing a kiss to the tip of Benrey’s nose. “Thanks, Benrey.”

His eyes widened as he ghosted his fingertips over his nose. “Hummina  _ hummina… _ ”

He looked away with a snort. “Keep an eye on the stove, man, I don’t- you’re not allowed to burn down my apartment, okay?”

With the closest thing he could probably get to a giddy expression, he walked backwards the entire way back. “Yes, sir, absolutely, sir.” When he turned around, he touched his nose again. “Fuckin’...  _ awooga. _ ”

“Stop that. Stop being cute.”

“... Huh?”

“Hm?”

“Whuh?”

“Make your sandwich already.”

“Yeah, alright.”

Gordon tried to eat in peace, but, well… it seemed his brain wanted to make up for all the time he spent denying all this. “So… you only know how to make grilled cheese, huh?”

“Mhm.”

“Not even scrambled eggs or anything?”

“Nope.”

“I should show you some time. Maybe later if you still, y’know… feel like you should be here.”

“Yeah, alright. Sounds good.”

“Cool, uh…” He looked down, trying to hide his smile. “It’s a date.”

Benrey made a strangled sound. Then, all at once, singing and pink lights burst from his mouth. “ _ Jesus, _ you tryin’ to make me burn my food or something?”

“Oh, you’re fine, you’re  _ right _ next to it.”

“Yeah, but now I wanna hug you and shit.” Leaning his elbow on the wall, he pressed a fist against his mouth. “Maybe, uh- maybe even kiss you a lil.”

Gordon  _ absolutely _ wanted that, too. “... In a little bit. Maybe.”

“ **Uh-** _shit,_ hold up-” Benrey flipped his grilled cheese to find one side was solid black. “... Yeah, okay, I can eat that.”

“I am  _ not _ letting the crumbs from that anywhere near my mouth.”

“You got a toothbrush I can borrow?”

“Absolutely not.”

“... You wanna get the kissing outta the way  _ now? _ ”

He one hundred percent did. “... A little.”

“Just a little?”

With a sharp breath, he set his plate down behind him. “Okay, a  _ lot. _ ”

Without a word, Benrey was back in front of him, gently holding his face in his rough hands. It was soft. Kissing back, Gordon slung his arms around his waist, melting into it. He felt like crying again. But in a  _ good _ way, this time.

When they pulled apart for air, he turned his head away. “... Your food’s burning again.”

“Yup.”

“This still feels…  _ really _ weird.”

“I know.”

He kissed him again, lighter this time, barely touching at all. “At least I don’t, y’know… feel like throwing up every time I think about you.”

“Uh. Thanks?”

“Yeah, okay, that was pretty gross to say.”

“Kinda.” Benrey hugged him back, resting his forehead against his collarbone. “Love you, though.”

Gordon squeezed tight, burying his head in Benrey’s shoulder. “I love you, too.” He only sniffled a  _ little _ bit.

When they did break apart, they enjoyed room temperature and ridiculously charred sandwiches respectively, shoulders bumping together, a little bit of the usual banter spaced out between bites. And, it turns out, Gordon was lying about not kissing Benrey with those crumbs on his mouth. (Just not  _ too _ much, or he’d probably explode.)

**Author's Note:**

> please direct all discourse regarding mayo and its use in making grilled cheese to tumbo user rubybelladonna
> 
> please direct all discourse regarding joshua kiryu to my cast iron skillet i'm making a delicious meal


End file.
